Parents can help their children with a bullying situation. Here are some tips.
Parents can either be part of the problem or part of the solution. Stay calm and help your child deal with what is going on.
Why My Child?
Sometimes it is a complete mystery why a child is selected as a target for harassment. Students target an average student that does not stand out. Other times it is obvious.
Bully Magnets
- Poor Hygiene. Students that don't wash their hair frequently, come with stained clothes, or who do not use deodorant become targets. Make sure your child comes to school clean.
- Mouthy. Sometimes students just can't keep comments to themselves when passing in the hallway. Other students retaliate when insulted and the "target" may not realize that he or she brought the bullying on themselves.
- Non-assertive. Students that are painfully shy and do not stand up for themselves are easy targets. Eventually, they will need to learn how to behave assertively but not aggressively. Sometimes, these non-aggressive students blow up and lose control when they've had enough. This could be because they have not dealt with the problem in an assertive manner prior to this point.
- Dressing Differently. When students arrive in school looking extremely different than the others, this could be making them a target. While freedom of expression is a great concept, the student may need to think about how much freedom they feel they need to express in school.
- Disabled. If a student is being badly treated because of a disability, the school must do everything it can to protect the child.
- Did You Do Something First? This is a question that doesn't get asked often by parents. They get very upset, call the school, demand a meeting with the principal and are very embarassed to learn that their child did something to cause the problem. At times, the action by the "victim" was far worse than what the "bully" did to them. Check out the facts. We all want to believe our children, but there are times when they do stretch the truth or "omit" critical details. The principal's office is not the most comfortable place to find out the truth.
Teach your child how to confront the bully and tell them in an assertive voice to stop. If they don't, the child needs to report it to a teacher, counselor or principal. And, they need to keep reporting it until it stops. School counselors can help with assertiveness training.
Students often say, "I'm afraid to say anything. It could get worse if I tell." This is usually not the case. However, it is guaranteed to get worse if you don't tell.
In rare cases, the school may be at fault by not acting on harassment. It may be necessary to pull the child being teased out of school. After doing so, meet with the school and discuss what needs to happen before your child may return to school.
In the past, students that got teased at least got a break when they went home. Today, the internet is used to tease students without end. This is more pressure on kids and underminds the "home is a safe place" concept because the harassment comes into the home. Professional counseling may be necessary to help a child overcome the damage of harassment.
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln has published a helpful document, Bullying - How To Stop It.
See Bullying: What Is It? and Bullying and the School on bullying, or Bullying
Bullying Site, by Julie Clark.
Read previous articles on Educational Issues.
Copyright article 2006 Barbara Pytel. All Rights Reserved.
