Bully-Proof Kids for Return to School
Important to Address Needs of Bullied and Bullies, Experts Say
Sep 18, 2008
“At one time, kids were ashamed to share what was happening to them with parents,” said Dr. Doug Winborn, an associate professor of health and human performance at Middle Tennessee State University, in a Sept. 7 telephone interview. “Now, though, they are speaking out and parents are becoming involved (and) kids are finding help among adults in the schools. …”
Nothing Normal about Bullying
According to information contained on bullying.org, one of the most prevalent misconceptions about bullying is that it’s a normal part of life that children must undergo. However, per the experts, nothing about being bullied “is normal,” nor is it socially acceptable.
“Some kids will fake illness in order to stay home; I did,” revealed Winborn, who says any illness that can’t be measured by a thermometer – such as stomach or headaches – are common claims among children who are bullied at school.
In addition to being a barrier to learning in schools, Winborn lists humiliation, school non-attendance, sadness and fear as some of the most immediate effects exhibited by those being bullied. Moreover, he added, in rare cases, those being bullied can become fed up and retaliate with weapons to "even the playing field," especially if the bullied person is small.
Similarly, Dr. Ellen Slicker, an MTSU psychology professor who helps train school counselors, said in a recent phone interview that while some children may resist going to school because they’re being bullied, “It behooves administrators and parents to forget the ‘boys will be boys’ attitude and look at the destructive effects to both the bully and the victim.”
Learn to Identify Bully Behavior
The first step toward properly addressing bullying behavior for many parents and school administrators, however, is learning to recognize it. Typically, many overlook such behavior as common childhood events, Winborn and Slicker note, but it’s important to identify those actions that hurt someone else or cause one feel bad on purpose as bullying behaviors.
For instance, Winborn explained, bullying comes in many forms – from name-calling, punching or pushing, leaving someone out of a game or group on purpose, and stealing someone’s money or other possessions, to using cyberbullying, where one uses the Internet, computers or mobile phones to bully another.
Once bullying behavior is recognized, it’s crucial that school personnel quickly address such situations, explained Winborn, who added that how bullying scenarios are addressed is equally important.
“Adults who address bullying by bullying the bullies will not solve the problem,” he warned. “While the bullying behavior is unwanted, the bully must be helped along, too. And there are ways to accomplish this through anti-bully educational programs. …”
In short, added children's advocate Winborn, “Unless corrected, the bully learns that she or he can get what they want through physical and emotional intimidation. Later in life they find that employers, spouses (and others) do not tolerate that conduct.”
Girls Bully, Too
Spotting bullies, however, isn’t always easy, because there is no cookie-cutter model for such individuals. In fact, they are "just as good at bullying as boys are but we call it ‘relational aggression,’” noted Slicker. “Girls can be extremely mean to each other through spreading rumors and socially ostracizing (someone) who was yesterday’s good friend.”
As for those who survive the bullies, “Long term, (they) fare better than the bullies,” Winborn reported. “They have emotional scars, but press on and are much more successful in life than their bullying counterparts.”
For more information or educational resources about bullying, please contact Operation Respect by e-mailing info@operationrespect.org or by calling (212) 904-5243.
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