Dealing with Overbearing Parents
How Teachers Can Cope With Helicopter Parents and Their Child
"Helicopter parents" in school damage the relationship with teachers and hinder students. Tips to cope include detailed project sheets, talking to principal and more.
After receiving the 15th email from one middle school parent in the first week about different assignments, the realization that this year would be extra stressful hit. The helicopter parent had crash-landed in the classroom, and she was not leaving. Her constant hovering was damaging the relationship with the teacher and with her immature boy. This scenario happens in many classrooms every year. The stress that the parent creates for the teacher can be unbelievable.
What is a Helicopter Parent?
Sometimes called "activist parents" in a positive way or "aggressive or overbearing parents" in a negative one, helicopter parents hover over their child. They analyze and worry about everything that their child does. And, schools struggle to accommodate them.
How Teachers Can Cope with a Helicopter Parent
Teachers can get these hyper-involved helicopter parents back into the air by following some of these tips:
- Allow the parent to air all issues in a parent-teacher conference after school.
- Try to figure out the all of the parent's concerns before assigning work.
- Make sure major assignments come with project sheets with detailed instructions.
- Talk to the principal for support. The principal can try to make the parent feel comfortable and try to reassure the parent about the safety of the school and the quality of education the child will be receiving.
- For field trips, allow the parent to organize them. This will keep overbearing parents busy in a productive way.
- Send home weekly grade sheets and write quick notes in the student’s agenda book.
- Deal directly with the student about problems before calling the parents.
Helicopter Parents Hurt rather than Help Children
Experts from the March 2004 Psychology Today article "The Pressure from Parents " report that these parents help create the development of psychological problems in their children by overprotecting them and by not allowing them to learn how to cope with adversity. This behavior causes anxiety in the children because it implies that the child is fragile and needs continuous help.
These parents follow their children right to college. "Many young adults entering college have the academic skills they will need to succeed but are somewhat lacking in life skills like self-reliance, sharing and conflict resolution," said Linda Walter, an administrator at Seton Hall University in New Jersey and co-chairman of the family portion of new-student orientation [Washington Post, March 21, 2006].
Worrisome Children Need Caregivers Who Teach Them to Relax, not Stress
Parents who want the best for their children need to help them grow into resilient adults. Denise Allen, an occupational therapist, reports that, "Resilience refers to an individuals ability to prevent, minimize or overcome the damaging affects of trauma or adversity." If the child is already anxious, parents should encourage relaxation and seek help with stress management. Also, caregivers need to teach realistic thinking strategies for anxious situations and not add to the stress by analyzing every move the child and teacher make at school.
