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The only child is the organized child who protests unexpected changes. This child says with feeling, "I thought we were going to..." regardless of the change.
Unexpected Change Ruins the DayThe only child organizes time, space and things. This child depends on knowing what is going to happen, when and how. She lives a schedule in mind for the day, sometimes for the week and even longer. Getting up in the morning, or perhaps the night before, she updates her mental schedule. This is her plan for the day. If something disrupts the schedule she has to redo it completely. A disruption feels like it ruins the whole day because the whole day's schedule has to be redone, not just a part of it. You don't just adjust the schedule by changing one thing. What About Fun?It doesn't matter if the interruption is pleasant or unpleasant. A surprise birthday party disrupts the only's schedule just as much as the cancellation of a special event, a change in the order of events or a change in the length of an event. All sudden changes leave the only feeling uncomfortable until she can reorganize. Soothing the OnlyTo accommodate the onlies in the classroom, the teacher can make certain the children are informed about any changes in the schedule in as much advance as possible. This enables onlies to redo their mental schedules with less pressure. When the only says, "But, I thought we were going to go outside at 2:15", she is reflecting discomfort at unexpected changes. The child is not trying to control things, being difficult or expecting to have her own way. She is just expressing a feeling. Onlies are aware of space and things in their environment. When something is changed in the classroom the onlies notice it. They may express some feeling about it such as, "I liked it better over there." Remember, that's not a criticism but an expression of feeling. They tend to be more comfortable if they know what changes to expect. Scheduled Chaos Is OkayOnlies have some problems with chaos unless the chaos is scheduled. So, onlies can be comfortable with an announcement that "tomorrow we are going to do something different from 2:30 to 3:00. It will be a surprise." The only is okay with that although she may ask for hints so she can organize for it. She'll want to know if it will happen in the classroom, outside or elsewhere, how to dress for it, and who will be involved. All of this is to enable organizing. The Better StudentsBeing organized, onlies are usually the better students. They do best in the classroom where they know what to expect. Related articles: Birth Order in the Classroom, The Fourth Born Personality, The Third Born Personality, The Second Born Personality, First Born Personality, The Only Child, Birth Order and School, Intro to Birth Order Plus Cliff Isaacson Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795. Visit Cliff's website for more information, Birth Order Plus Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order. Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
The copyright of the article Only Child in the Classroom in Educational Issues is owned by Barbara Pytel. Permission to republish Only Child in the Classroom in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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