You are coming to your 10 or 15 year class reunion and can’t wait to see Susie, the class queen, and Bobbie, the class king. You get to the reunion and find that they aren’t there.
But, the classmates that are there are the middle 50% that didn’t make the short list of the social Who’s Who. Those "middle kids" are the ones that managed to be very successful but were somewhat invisible in high school. They were in the middle and tried to get along with the top shelf and be kind to the top and bottom shelves. They held somewhat above average grades, dressed so-so, got along with everyone, and blended into the woodwork most of the time. The main focus was on the top shelf kids. Some teachers even played the social game giving Prince Charming and the Princess more breaks when it came to voting for National Honor Society, scholarships, and Homecoming King and Queen.
The Rules Change
In middle school and high school, social prowess is easy. The most popular students have had 9-13 years to dominate the classroom. They have the right clothes, have the right hair and often have the right parents. Having the right parents often translates into having the right money. The other students follow along with the rules set in the elementary years until graduation. At graduation the rules change. Many students go to colleges away from the constraints of the narrow social maze of high school and quickly learn that they are who they are. Your status in high school doesn’t matter. Who your parents are doesn’t matter. The part of town you lived in doesn’t matter. Everyone has a clean slate.
The top shelf students have a great fall at this point. They are on equal footing with everyone else. It is often a rough journey to be what we are instead of being popular because of who our friends are and who are parents are.
The Costs of Popularity
Dr. Joseph P. Allen of the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, VA, has researched this topic. He has found that about 50% of students are average. They have good friends but are neither liked nor disliked by peers. They just get along with everyone without being in the spotlight. About 20% are in the limelight having close friends, excel academically, and get along with parents and friends of parents. This leaves 30% that are neglected. These are the wallflowers that actually have an advantage because the only way is up. They have the freedom to try new things.
Of these three groups, which one is at most risk? According to Dr. Allen, popularity has its risks. The top 20% are
- Three times as likely to be drinking by age 14
- More likely to commit vandalism
- More likely to smoke marijuana
- More likely to shoplift
This occurs because they are the most susceptible to peer pressure. They are at the top and there is pressure to not fall from this position. The middle 50% has learned to play the game and stay out of the pressure cooker. The bottom feels little pressure. They lose nothing if they don't play the game.
Related articles: Why Children Lie, Effects of Playground Popularity
Source: Benedict Carey, "Spot on Popularity Scale Speaks to the Future; Middle Has Its Rewards", www.boston.com, September 2, 2008.
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