The first born lives in a world of conditional love. Always thinking that love can be lost at any moment the first born interacts cautiously with others.
In The Beginning
The first born starts life as an only child basking in more than enough love. Everything changes when mother brings this tiny stranger home from who-knows-where. When the stranger whimpers, mother tells the first born to wait while she takes care of the baby. The oldest child is stunned at being rejected. He never got set aside like this before.
"Is It Something I Did?
As the oldest child watches mother have entirely too much fun with this stranger he (or she) concludes that he must have done something terribly wrong for mother to reject him. He begins to feel guilty about what he does, thinks and feels, a sense of guilt that carries on throughout life. But, he can never figure out what he did wrong.
Lifelong Implications
The first born lives in fear that he will inadvertently offend someone so that what little love there is will be lost. He is afraid to say what he thinks, wants or feels so "I don't know" becomes a standard answer. What do you think? I don't know. What do you want for supper? I don't know. What would you like to do tonight? I don't know.
First Born Body Language
Body language lets you identify the first born as he keeps nodding his head in agreement. The first born waits to know what you think before venturing an opinion, an opinion that will agree with what you said. The first born will expend great effort to please you if you mention what you want. However, real interaction with the first born is difficult.
First Born Strengths
First borns do have strengths. Having led younger siblings, they tend to be leaders that others will follow. Listening to others makes them into research thinkers that enable them to pursue research tirelessly. Combined with training their being tuned in to others makes them into good counselors, high school and college teachers, pastors, mentors and physicians.
Understanding Others Is a Challenge
Understanding others challenges first borns. Growing up, they did not have to understand younger siblings because they could overpower them. As adults, they still do not understand others. They tend to be continually surprised by others' reactions. Birth order intrigues first borns with its insights into people.
Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order.
Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
The copyright of the article The First Born Personality in Educational Issues is owned by Barbara Pytel. Permission to republish The First Born Personality in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
If this is all it takes to publish a book, perhaps more of us should try.
At best, this is poor psychology, at worst it's made up! I've
observed, interviewed and studied sibling behavior and birth order for
years, and I am a first born myself... where does this come from?? It is
not substantiated by anything I've learned in the past 18 years.
Oct 11, 2008 8:09 PM
Barbara Pytel :
Most of my life I thought I was a first born since I was the oldest in my
family. I just didn't seem to fit the mold which left me thinking I was a
defective first born. However, I realized just a year ago that a cousin
lived with us for two years which was enough to make me a second. I fit
that profile perfectly. Cliff's therapies have helped so many children and
adults. He is a gold mine and should not be dismissed too quickly. There
are many that have not merely read a few articles--they have benefitted
greatly from his wisdom.
Oct 27, 2008 11:22 AM
Guest :
Wow, I disagree with the majority of this individual's (wannabe
intelligent/writer) statements. They sound more like a resentful middle or
younger sibling.
I am definitely not opposed to vocalizing my
opinion and I definitely do NOT have a problem with understanding other
people. In fact I pride myself in being able to read people very well.
Oct 29, 2008 6:39 AM
Cliff Isaacson :
You sound frustrated that this concept of birth order does not fit your
experience. You appear to be an exception to birth order in that, although
you are the oldest, your personality is that of the second born. Second
born is indicated by your evaluative thinking, your willingness to express
opinions and even your anger. A first born is into absorbing information,
hesitant about expressing opinions and tends to sulk rather than express
anger openly.
Cliff
Nov 28, 2008 2:42 PM
Guest :
I am sorry that the first guest feels so angered about their not fitting
the typical First Born mold. Cliff, I appreciate the article and feel that
it is extremely accurate. I am a first born and fit what you are describing
100%. I also know several other first borns who have similar
characteristics.
Feb 5, 2009 7:59 AM
Guest :
well i am a first born child and to be honest most of this is really true
and i am going to have my nother go on this site and read this because this
is something that i think she should know.
Mar 23, 2009 8:30 PM
Guest :
So first borns are good counselors, pastors etc... but they are not good at
understanding? This seems like a huge paradox since those professions
require a great deal of understanding. This webpage is a good example of
how to get your site near the top of a google search.
May 19, 2009 10:00 AM
Guest :
As a first born, the first guest's comments made me laugh because they are
typical of a first born, "I WANT PROOF!!!"
Your are
the very proof of the concept! Thanks.
Sep 29, 2009 9:24 PM
Guest :
yes the first guest is the typical first born. look at the way he tries to
show that he is better. He is actually a bit jealous when somone else
leads. and wants to be the leader. Well I have studied first borns and they
very often fit into what you say Clif. I find it sometimes difficult to
communicate with first borns. They rarely take sugestions if they are told.
They feel that their leadership is attacked. You have to tell them stuff
indirectly. They find it very difficult to not to be the leader. They want
to be liked soo much. They read what people want when they are in a group.
They always take the side of the majority so that they can lead. However
they are very intelligent bunch. They are leaders and they are fairely good
leaders. I am an only. You rock Cliff.
