Fourth borns struggle trying to grow up. They feel they must get rid of their immaturity in order to be accepted. If they can't get rid of it, they must hide it.
It's All About Rejection
A fourth born personality forms in response to rejection by the third born sibling. The third born tells the fourth born "you are not big enough, strong enough, old enough, fast enough or smart enough to play with us." This leaves the fourth born with an enduring sense of immaturity. It also makes the fourth born feel rejected.
I Will Prove I'm Mature!
The fourth born decides to do hard things just like his older siblings to prove his maturity. But, they still reject him. He will spend the rest of his life trying to prove how mature he is by working hard. When it works, he appears to be super-mature. People depend on him. It feels good. When he fails he appears immature.
I'll Pretend To Be Someone Else
The feeling of immaturity makes the fourth born try to escape from himself. He stops listening to himself. He tries to take on personalities of other people. He tries to force himself to behave differently by sheer will-power, hating himself when he can't. In a group he may entertain others with his acting to hide his true self.
Nobody Listens To Me!
Older siblings do not listen to the fourth born. Older siblings may keep parents from listening to the fourth born by demanding the parents' attention. Feeling that no one will listen, the fourth born as an adult may talk loudly. The fourth born may also use profanity to shock others into listening. Some fourth borns give up by saying nothing or speaking softly.
Nobody Understands Me!
Persons of other birth orders do not understand fourth borns. The first, second and third born could overpower the fourth born so there was no need to understand him. Only children do not understand others for lack of sibling interaction growing up so they do not understand the fourth born. Fourth borns stop expecting others to understand them so they do hide themselves. People cannot learn about fourth borns from fourth borns even as adults.
But, I Understand "You"
Fourth borns understand others. They had to figure out the first, second and third borns in order to get along as a child. They had no way to understand onlies. They can use their knowledge to manipulate others. They can also use it to manage people in the workplace.
Please Invite Me
Feeling unwanted, fourth borns may not join groups unless specifically invited. Being invited produces a great feeling for the fourth born. They want to be wanted but do not expect to be wanted.
Related articles: Fourth Born in the Classroom, The Only Child, The Third Born Personality, The Second Born Personality, First Born Personality, Birth Order and School, Intro to Birth Order Plus
Cliff Isaacson
Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795.
Visit Cliff's website for more information, Birth Order Plus
Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order.
Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
