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The Second Born Personality

Discouraged, Self Put-Downs, and Details

Jun 9, 2006 Barbara Pytel

The second born is the true perfectionist. This person attends to details, strives for perfection and reads the fine print. "Good enough" is never good enough.

Seconds Are Competitive

The second born competes with the first born for parental attention. When the second born discovers how to put crayons to paper the first born displays a completed picture to mother. The second born senses the inadequacy of what she (or he) has created. The second born decides that to get love she must do something perfectly.

Perfection

The second born chooses areas for perfection. One stands in front of the mirror by the hour to get every facial expression right, get every hair in place and get the head tilted just right. Another must get class assignment done early, get every detail right and make the assignment look perfect. Yet another must dress exactly so. For each of them, other areas of life do not require perfection. The bedroom may be a mess, diet may leave much to be desired and car maintenance neglected.

Orderliness vs. Perfection

Only child orderliness is often mistaken for perfection. Because of the imperfection in areas of the second born's life the perfectionism is overlooked.

Suppress Emotions

Emotions make life messy so the second born seeks to suppress them. Logic rules. All things must be dealt with rationally in order to promote perfection. Decisions are not made on the basis of emotion. This reliance on logic can make the second born appear heartless.

"No" To Compliments -- "Yes" To Suggestions

Second borns may not like compliments. Compliments may bring up memories of mother trying to praise the second born's efforts when the first born obviously did better. It felt condescending then and compliments may feel condescending now. Second borns tend to like suggestions for improvement more. The Second Born in the Classroom.

We're All The Same, Right?

Second borns tend to assume that everyone is like they are so they do not give compliments. Instead, when you expect a compliment the second offers a suggestion for improvement. The second born is not being mean but simply helping you on the way to perfection.

Excel In Precision

Because of their perfectionism second borns do well at work that requires precision. They are good at mechanics, construction, accounting, carpentry, writing and other professions allowing for perfection. Everything they do they do well which often enables them to rise to the top of companies. Once at the top their rejection of emotions can destroy employee morale that then hurts the company.

Writers

Second borns are drawn to writing. It is a safe, rational way to express emotions. Consequently, many novels are written by second borns. Editors tend to be second borns who help authors perfect their writings by offering correction. Of course, these editors tend to like second born writers.

Related articles: Second Born in the Classroom, First Born Personality, The Third Born Personality, The Fourth Born Personality, Birth Order and School, Intro to Birth Order Plus

Cliff Isaacson

Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795.

Visit Cliff's website for more information, Birth Order Plus

Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order.

Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.

The copyright of the article The Second Born Personality in Educational Issues is owned by Barbara Pytel. Permission to republish The Second Born Personality in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Seconds Suppress Emotions and Use Logic, ablestock.com Seconds Suppress Emotions and Use Logic
Seconds Are Competitive, ablestock.com Seconds Are Competitive
Appreciate Suggestions for Improvement, ablestock.com Appreciate Suggestions for Improvement
Writers Tend to be Seconds, ablestock.com Writers Tend to be Seconds
   
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Comments

Jun 9, 2006 4:26 PM
Jennifer W. Miner :
This was an interesting summary of Cliff's book. Something I've noticed with my kids that I don't think he mentioned, is the idea of second-born kids creating their own specialized "space." For example, my older girl is very intellectual, empirical, and scientific-minded. She takes up a lot of the "educational" space in our family. My younger kid, rather than compete (how can she?) has really made "space" for herself by excelling in sports, gymnastics, and other physical areas.
Jen M.
http://luxuryresorttravel.suite101.com
Jun 9, 2006 8:50 PM
Barbara Pytel :
Hi, Jen,
Ah, the 1st and 2nd totally different concept. I see that in education frequently. Cliff is totally amazing. He will be a guest writer again and will write more on the topic of birth order in the classroom.
Sep 26, 2008 4:00 PM
Guest :
OMG i was amazed..im a middle child myself and everything is so true..especially the writers part.
Oct 9, 2008 2:08 AM
Guest :
I am a second child out of 4 and it's very interesting that I do remember watching my older brother hand over a drawing of a tiger which made my family proud and that made me want to do the same thing, in the long run instead of writing I became an artist and have surpass my brothers artistic talents, he started his own business in construction and I went on to graphic arts and web design.
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