Seconds Are Competitive
The second born competes with the first born for parental attention. When the second born discovers how to put crayons to paper the first born displays a completed picture to mother. The second born senses the inadequacy of what she (or he) has created. The second born decides that to get love she must do something perfectly.
Perfection
The second born chooses areas for perfection. One stands in front of the mirror by the hour to get every facial expression right, get every hair in place and get the head tilted just right. Another must get class assignment done early, get every detail right and make the assignment look perfect. Yet another must dress exactly so. For each of them, other areas of life do not require perfection. The bedroom may be a mess, diet may leave much to be desired and car maintenance neglected.
Orderliness vs. Perfection
Only child orderliness is often mistaken for perfection. Because of the imperfection in areas of the second born's life the perfectionism is overlooked.
Suppress Emotions
Emotions make life messy so the second born seeks to suppress them. Logic rules. All things must be dealt with rationally in order to promote perfection. Decisions are not made on the basis of emotion. This reliance on logic can make the second born appear heartless.
"No" To Compliments -- "Yes" To Suggestions
Second borns may not like compliments. Compliments may bring up memories of mother trying to praise the second born's efforts when the first born obviously did better. It felt condescending then and compliments may feel condescending now. Second borns tend to like suggestions for improvement more. The Second Born in the Classroom.
We're All The Same, Right?
Second borns tend to assume that everyone is like they are so they do not give compliments. Instead, when you expect a compliment the second offers a suggestion for improvement. The second born is not being mean but simply helping you on the way to perfection.
Excel In Precision
Because of their perfectionism second borns do well at work that requires precision. They are good at mechanics, construction, accounting, carpentry, writing and other professions allowing for perfection. Everything they do they do well which often enables them to rise to the top of companies. Once at the top their rejection of emotions can destroy employee morale that then hurts the company.
Writers
Second borns are drawn to writing. It is a safe, rational way to express emotions. Consequently, many novels are written by second borns. Editors tend to be second borns who help authors perfect their writings by offering correction. Of course, these editors tend to like second born writers.
Related articles: Second Born in the Classroom, First Born Personality, The Third Born Personality, The Fourth Born Personality, Birth Order and School, Intro to Birth Order Plus
Cliff Isaacson
Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795.
Visit Cliff's website for more information, Birth Order Plus
Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order.
Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
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