Fear Is The Enemy
The third born regards fear as an enemy to be overcome. Failure to overcome fear means being overpowered by it. The third born who overcomes fear becomes fearless, or appears to be fearless.
However, the struggle is never settled so this third born must continually prove he/she is not afraid. He must demonstrate to everyone, including himself, that he is afraid of nothing and no one. Teachers fail to control this child by applying pressure. Threat of punishment for the fearless third born is a perfect opportunity to prove his fearlessness.
Bully To Be Fearless
The fearless third born may bully other kids to show that he (or she) has no fear. Punishment does little to change the behavior because it depends on fear that the third born denies having. A teacher must get beyond using authority with its threat of consequences to interact effectively with this child whose principle motivation is to prove that he is afraid of nothing.
Overly Cautious
The fearful type third born gets picked on by other children because he is overly cautious. This excessive caution interferes with relating to peers. This third born does not engage in the give and take of dialogue out of fear. When other children want to talk, this third born walks away, frustrating the child wanting to communicate with him. The other children may try to provoke meaningful exchange by trying to aggravate the third born. When it does not work, the other children may escalate their efforts until they forget why they are picking on the third born.
Needs Help to Overcome Fear
Change for either type of third born comes with an awareness of his fear. He must reclaim the ability he lost to feel fear when he became third born. The teacher can facilitate that change. The child cannot make the change by choice or even by understanding the dynamic. He needs help.
Magic Words to Help a Third
Teacher needs some magic words to help this child. These magic words are "Forget making yourself hide your fears." These can be spoken to the third born directly or they can be part of what teacher says to the class. The other birth orders will ignore the statement while third borns respond to it. The payoff will be when the third born victim stops being a victim by communicating with peers, when the third born bully begins to show compassion toward others and when teacher is able to teach them.
Related articles: The Second Born in the Classroom, The First Born in the Classroom, Only Child in the Classroom, Birth Order in the Classroom, The Fourth Born Personality, The Third Born Personality, The Second Born Personality, First Born Personality, The Only Child, Birth Order and School, Intro to Birth Order Plus
Cliff Isaacson
Upper Des Moines Counseling Center, Inc. 1-800-214-0795.
Visit Cliff's website for more information, Birth Order Plus
Cliff has authored several books on the topic: The Birth Order Effect: How to Better Understand Yourself and Others, The Birth Order Effect for Couples, How To Love Your Children: Birth Order For Parents, The Birth Order Challenge: Expanding Your Horizons, Look at it This Way: Reframing Life's Experiences, 112 Ways to Say What You Want, and Understanding Yourself Through Birth Order.
Copyright article 2006 Cliff Isaacson. All Rights Reserved.
