Words and Actions That Hurt Children
How to Stop Hurtful Language at Home and in School
Aug 13, 2009
Sometimes children and even teachers, parents, and other adults say or do things that are hurtful for children. Many times they aren't even aware that their words and actions are not appropriate.
Establishing a Warm, Safe Place for Children
Some adults may be so accustomed to using negative language and actions with children that they may not even be aware that they are doing it. They may have picked up bad habits from their own childhoods or from watching TV.
It might be helpful for the school/home community to develop a zero tolerance policy for hurtful language and actions from adults or children. Such a policy cannot be developed by one person or committee. Everyone in the school and home community should be involved in planning and implementing a plan that will offer a climate where children can thrive.
Make a plan by meeting with adults who are responsible for child care. Invite adults in the home, school, playground, and bus. The plan should have as its goal that all adults will use positive words and actions at all times. Stimulate a discussion about the need for positive language and actions. Brainstorm words and actions that will not be tolerated. Some examples are:
- labeling or name calling
- making an example of one child by pointing out her faults
- yelling orders at a child
- snatching something away from a child
- using sarcasm
- being critical of one child repeatedly
- continually praising one child more than others
- threats
Have a committee organize the plan and print and post it in offices, classrooms, homes, and buses.
Teach Children to Use Positive Language and Positive Actions
Have groups of children develop a plan to use positive language and behaviors. Have them brainstorm hurtful words and actions. Some of these might be:
- saying mean things about other children
- name calling – using words like “stupid,” “fat,” “That’s so gay,” “faggot”
- shunning other children by excluding them from games or a place at the lunch table
- pushing, shoving
Many other words and actions will come from the brainstorming sessions with children. These should be organized and printed on posters that are placed in every classroom and in homes. Positive words and actions will become the norm if they are reinforced often. The plan should be reviewed daily until the goal of zero tolerance for hurtful words and actions is reached.
Adults must stop put-downs immediately when they hear them. They should explain to the child who uses them why the words or actions are wrong and help the child who does them see how they might feel if someone used those words or actions toward them.
Zero Tolerance for Words and Actions
A zero-tolerance policy should cover all words and actions that hurt kids, either intentionally or unintentionally. The use of hurtful words and actions is bullying, and it doesn't just hurt the person being bullied. It hurts the bullies and the bystanders who feel out-of-control because they don't know how to handle the situation. It is up to the adults; the parents, teachers, bus drivers, and all other grown-ups in a child's life to protect him from language that is hurtful, whether the words are spoken intentionally or unintentionally through ignorance.
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